March 25th 3021, the Universe weeps over their favorite litte bug.

With the Promitor (VH-331a) election soon coming to a close, Governor Catfiz has successfully launched the Hortus system’s very first Local Market. Promitor CEOs rejoiced as the need for expensive fuel has fallen immensely with the mainly agriculture focused economy.

Nemesis CEO Frostwood accidently caused a universe wide shortage by creating a lucrative constructor start package. Constructors are now found digging everywhere for the now precious rock. Even places that have no limestone.

ProsperousTurnip, Gibson - As the first Local Markets start ramping up usage, Dirk, former space pirate and now motivational speaker to top companies, wants to remind you if you really want something, nothing should stop you from attaining it.

The Turnip has received a copy of an anonymous pioneer’s log found in the KW-688 sector. Without modifications, it is as follows:

Pioneer #876

Day #3

It’s been a rough and loong ride aboard AVI-000T8, but we’re here! We’re finally in the solar system, we’re at Etherwind!

After a devastating week to all company finances, QWNE members across the universe have been left wondering how they would even feed their egos. An uncountable amount of currency, estimated in the hundreds of trillions, was lost collectively, leaving the once wealthy in desperate need of validation.

Dr. Kendrick Holeworm held a very exclusive press conference today, where he prepared to reveal proof that the universe we find ourselves in today is in-fact a parallel universe to the one we were in yesterday.

ProsperousTurnip, Etherwind. Growing increasingly frustrated at her inconsiderate behavior, management of Merchantries were reportedly annoyed by the antics of pioneer Jodie Donavan.

It’s hard to enjoy my 22-hour per day break when I’m incessantly being pinged by my COM.

Said CEO “Bob” Bobemor, confirming that he had been forced to ignore over 30 messages and 4 voice mails begging for help.

While CEOs universe-wide have revealed the horrors they have subjected upon their workers, chiropractors across the planet are reporting an excessive influx of CEOs who have injured themselves patting themselves on the back after starting on the most overpowered fucking planet¹.

There’s a line of very sore yet very self-satisfied people around the block of my office. All of them are feeling pretty smug about starting on Promitor.

• Dr. Gag Halfrunt

This morning at precisely 7:42 AM, a timid mhk emerged from his estate. A hush fell over the press and onlookers as the reclusive mhk sniffed around for a few seconds before quickly skittering back inside upon seeing his shadow.

A ska band immediately began playing, quickly joined by the sounds of cheers and applause from the onlookers – there would indeed be another 6 weeks of expensive RFabs.