Latest News

Annoying Pioneer Keeps Sending COM Message About Being Trapped

ProsperousTurnip, Etherwind. Growing increasingly frustrated at her inconsiderate behavior, management of Merchantries were reportedly annoyed by the antics of pioneer Jodie Donavan.

It’s hard to enjoy my 22-hour per day break when I’m incessantly being pinged by my COM.

Said CEO “Bob” Bobemor, confirming that he had been forced to ignore over 30 messages and 4 voice mails begging for help.

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Promitorian Chiropractors Overwhelmed as Native Planet CEOs Continuously Injured Patting Themselves on the Back For Starting On Promitor

While CEOs universe-wide have revealed the horrors they have subjected upon their workers, chiropractors across the planet are reporting an excessive influx of CEOs who have injured themselves patting themselves on the back after starting on the most overpowered fucking planet1. There’s a line of very sore yet very self-satisfied people around the block of my office. All of them are feeling pretty smug about starting on Promitor. Dr.
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mhk Sees His Own Shadow Indicating Another 6 Weeks Of Expensive RFabs

This morning at precisely 7:42 AM, a timid mhk emerged from his estate. A hush fell over the press and onlookers as the reclusive mhk sniffed around for a few seconds before quickly skittering back inside upon seeing his shadow. A ska band immediately began playing, quickly joined by the sounds of cheers and applause from the onlookers – there would indeed be another 6 weeks of expensive RFabs.
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A New Beginning - development log #269

A new universe awaits! Martin After nearly two years of hard work and quite a bit of overtime from all of us at Simulogics, I’m pleased to announce that will be shifting to the new universe Wednesday, February 3rd. The unfortunate news is that due to increased server costs, we had to reduce the number of users in the initial universe. Over time, we will slowly invite the others. The second set of users to be invited should be in mid to late March.
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Is The End Near? No Say Prominent Group of Scientists

Multiple religious groups (mostly Simulogists) are all claiming that the universe is ending soon. Claiming to have access to ancient calendars, they are claiming that the end of Q1 is near, and thus the end of the calendar and the universe itself. While most people are disregarding this, others have taken heed of the “take heed of the prophets, not profit!”. Most notable is an eccentric millionaire who is buying all the RAT on Promitor, to feed himself in the next life (he claims).

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Practicioners of Simulogos Double, Have Schism

The number of Simulogists in the galaxy has doubled with EatTacos88 joining Prdgi on the temple planet RL-716g. Almost immediately, the devotees experienced a massive schism in the religion. The Edicts of Molp (may his code be free of bugs) clearly establish that MAI should be cultivated in rows with a North-South orientation. Prdgi When adjusted to account for relativistic motion of the planet, an East-West orientation is required by the Law of Molp (may his code be free of bugs).
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Study sheds light on hidden efficiency factors

A recent study commisioned by Promitor’s Agriculture Daily has revealed the presence of two new efficiency factors. The study has also hinted at the presence of additional hidden efficiency factors. We believe this could be the next big breakthrough in agricultural production Promitorian Scientist According to the study, APEX users are able to influence production efficiency by performing regular, mundane rituals. The trial, consisting of 9 users, has found that performing a routine known as a “pushup” can result in an increase in production capability.
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CEOs Across The Galaxy Suddenly Unemployed

CEOs across the galaxy have woken up to find themselves unemployed and their jobs now being held by an AI. Doctors are starting to worry about the dangerously low daily click amount (DCA) reported in these former titans of industry. We caught up with Carepanda, while he awaited behind nearly 70 others outside the unemployment office.

I usually like to get my daily clicks in before my morning coffee. Now I have to stay up until 3 in the morning just to get my daily allotment in. Standing in line like some…plebeian pioneer is humiliating.

In other news around the galaxy, authorities are looking for more information on the death of Allen Rodgers whose body was found this afternoon. He was last seen in a navy pinstriped suit on Etherwind placing a recurring order in his FP for one cycle of DW. Suspected cause of death is an overdose of NOTS.

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