A new scientific study accidentally reveals what CEOs with operations on Hortus have known for eons - the truth about the relationship between the planet’s distance from the system’s sun and it’s population’s lifecycle.
Pioneers working for Willow Enterprises on Etherwind have been gloating excitedly about the new cafeteria Rwinner is building for them.
Prosperous Turnip operations begin again today after one of the editors was released from prison. News suddenly stopped nearly a year ago, due to the editors vanishing from the universe. It’s now known that one of them had been incarcerated by the Exodus Council’s Treasury enforcement for producing forged ECD credits.
The Turnip is proud to bring to you a story from the Protostar project (Saladin expansion):
Of course, we canβt talk about the physical founding of Protostar without mentioning VladvonSpacestein. Self-described odd bean, Vlad was a newer player who had initially settled on Boucher, but decided between the taxes and the increasingly crowded market for consumables that heβd rather run away to the frontier.
LS-231b, 18:08 UTC:
Sources within Fuyutsuki Functional Conglomerated’s resource extraction colony on LS-231b have spoken with this reporter on the condition of anonymity. When asked about their desire for secrecy, they were quite candid with me:
We’re not scared of retribution or nothin’… we’re just worried about the longevity of our jobs. It took a lot to move out here to Elsie-2 and the company was gracious enough to handle the finances behind that. But if they pack up and leave, how are we supposed to get home? It’s not like we can live outside. 354.6 degrees Celsius during the day melts lead. Humans don’t have a chance.
Accusations flew across the hypernet as a hotly contested naming rights battle occurred over recently colonized planet OT-442b, now known as “Danakil”.
Alternate candidate “Vulcanus” had taken an early lead, and was projected to win by a small margin, however a late surge by Danakil’s supporters tipped the balance and ultimately proved victorious.
An analysis by the Center For Galactic Studies shows that, on 28% of all industrial ship flights, the crew isn’t sure why they are even going that way. The study gathered data from hundreds of flight crews, who all gave a consistent picture of pointless turnarounds and empty cargo holds. One pilot, who wished to remain anonymous, told the following story:
A recent survey by the Interplanetary Business Bureau found that the average age of CEO’s at many of the galaxy’s top companies was surprisingly wide ranging, as one researcher explained:
Before I did this survey I had an image of your typical CEO as being some grizzled white-haired old fogey, running things with a combination of grit and charisma. But it turns out that many of them are just kids.
Regional tensions flared recently over the merits of various galactic quadrants, with representatives of Antares and Benten going head to head over trading channels, starting with this outburst from an unnamed Antarean:
All I hear is “Benten prices this” and “Benten currency that”. It’s Benten, Benten, Benten. What about Antares? It sucks here too!
This week, embattled CEO Derelict was forced to deny misconduct at his π±π²π―πΏπΆπβ’οΈ brand Katoa research facility, as fresh allegations emerged that Antarean citizens had been used as test subjects in safety trials of a new thermal shielding product:
I would like to make it clear that we are NOT developing π±π²π―πΏπΆπβ’οΈ brand Thermal Shielding. And if we were, we would take all sensible precautions during the testing phase. Furthermore, they volunteered for the job, and I’d like to remind everyone that the link between galerite dust exposure and swollen head syndrome has not been proven.
