Religious Fracturing Over "The End"

· 3 min read · by: Kovus

Lack of statues and other worship mechanism believed to be at fault

Following the supposed extiction event on AU-605c1, worshippers took over the public spaces of the universe this week to share their religious beliefs, wanted or not. It’s unclear if there were hopes of acquiring new members, plans to discredit the other beliefs, or just get their 3 minutes of fame. The “Church of molp” had multiple speakers show up and vehemently disagree over The End.

One of the many religious speakers of the day.2

It all started with this announcement….

molp: PSA: There will be a brief downtime in a couple of minutes

Vel & Mrtplank of The First Church of molp prepared for the worst, but accepted that they have misunderstood the “word of god” and that things are not as bad as they seemed:

Vel: HEED THE WORD OF GOD HIMSELF
Mrtplank: HE IS TYPING THE HOLY WORDS
Mrtplank: News just in: God has told us the end is nigh
Vel: The Great Reset is upon us
Vel: drink your Kom and Cof while you still have it
(After a short delay…)
molp: Promised too much, technical problems, downtime delayed :)
Mrtplank: We have successfully repented our sins! The end is now TBD!

Others took this failure in prophetic truth as their chance to promote their newer religions, such as Ficks_Dinkum from United Counterpoint Methodists, and Taien from Material Witness.

Ficks_Dinkum: molp is clearly a false prophet. You should worship the mighty Counterpoint instead.
Taien: HSE is the only true prophet praise it and be saved

Extremist believers coming to praise their prophets tried to raise hatred for these newer religions:

Saganaki: SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER @Ficks_Dinkum.

And the nonconformists took it as a sign that it was time for something new!

thea: this divide is hurting us! they must clearly be worshipped as a holy trinity, with mac as the holy spirit!

Prosperous Turnip believes that all of this arguing & posturing3 could have been avoided if company owners would learn how to put status of molp on the unused space in their businesses.4 But, the ability to construct them remains a mystery, ever since the last time the universe was replaced with something less understandable.

  1. As of yet, no survivors have been found. Not even bones. We might have been searching the wrong part of the planet, or perhaps the wrong dimension. ↩︎

  2. Image shamelessly ripped from Monty Python’s Life of Brian. ↩︎

  3. Prosperous Turnip wants to assure it’s readership that it only does a little judging of crazies in the universe, usually on a scale of 1-10 for entertainment. It then proceeds to pass it off as news. ↩︎

  4. See: Statues Erected on Unused Plot Space ↩︎