Antares I System — In a development that has left APEX administrators both baffled and concerned, colonists on AI1 have reportedly discovered that standard-issue medical kits can be consumed as a food substitute in emergencies, with one pioneer describing them as “tangy, with notes of antiseptic and a pleasantly numbing aftertaste.”

Enjoying the flavors of the MED pack.¹

The trend began three standard cycles ago when an unexpected disruption in the Basic Rations (RAT) supply chain forced desperate colonists to seek alternative nutrition sources. According to multiple commodity exchanges, RAT prices had skyrocketed by 327% due to a production shortfall in the Hortus System.

“I was down to my last protein bar when my bunkmate suggested we try the gel packs in our emergency medical kits,” said Tarn Wexley, an engineer at the AI1 hydroponics facility. “After the initial burning sensation subsided, I noticed I wasn’t hungry for nearly 48 hours. Plus, I could feel my bones healing from injuries I didn’t even know I had.”

Local merchant Razenpok of RZN Trading has been importing MED packs from neighboring systems to meet the surging demand. “I’m just providing a service,” Razenpok insisted when questioned about the ethics of selling medical supplies as food. “If people want to eat their bandages instead of wrapping their wounds with them, who am I to judge?”

The Bureau for Advancement and Regulation of Food (BARF) has issued an emergency bulletin categorizing MED packs as “Not Actually Food,” but this hasn’t deterred colonists facing empty pantries.

MediCuisine: AI1’s Hottest Culinary Trend

What began as desperate survival has evolved into AI1’s most exclusive culinary movement. Technician Ielisa, now self-styled as “Chef Medicinal,” hosts weekly “MediCuisine” dinner parties that have become the most sought-after social events in the system.

“It’s about transforming necessity into art,” explained Ielisa, carefully arranging surgical-grade bandages into an elaborate napkin fold. “Anyone can eat a MED pack straight from the container. I’m elevating the experience.”

Her signature dishes include “Painkillers à la Mode,” featuring crushed analgesic tablets whipped into a foam and topped with Olfactory Substances (OLF) in a Heliotrope Extract (HEX) syrup. The dish reportedly leaves diners pain-free for days while experiencing vivid sensory hallucinations described as “mostly pleasant.”

The “Traumatic Tasting Menu” features five courses of progressively more potent medical supplies, culminating in “Stem Cell Soufflé” that guests claim has made their hair grow back thicker and occasionally in unusual places.

For those with heartier appetites, Ielisa’s “Surgical Equipment Skewers with All-Purpose Fodder (FOD) Reduction” has become legendary, though several diners have reported temporarily losing sensation in their extremities after consumption.

OptimizedFunction, a visiting technician from STLA who attended one such dinner, was overheard reporting the event to the Bureau for Advancement and Regulation of Food. “You guys eat MED packs?!” he exclaimed in apparent shock before being offered a “Bandage Wrap with Antiseptic Dipping Sauce” and promptly joining the festivities.

Medical experts warn that prolonged consumption of MED packs may lead to side effects including euphoria, a false sense of invincibility, and the belief that one can diagnose complex medical conditions by taste alone. Additionally, several colonists have reported experiencing vivid hallucinations where they believe they’re receiving messages from their own internal organs.

Castillo-Ito Mercantile, the primary manufacturer of standard MED packs, has responded by hastily adding a “DO NOT EAT” label to their products, though critics note the warning is printed in edible ink.

When questioned about the nutritional value of their medical supplies, a company spokesperson replied, “They’re literally designed to keep you alive in emergencies, so I guess technically they’re doing their job? But please stop eating them. We’re begging you.”

Meanwhile, rumors persist that the premium “VitaGel” product marketed to engineers contains actual food ingredients, though this remains unconfirmed. Several attendees at Ielisa’s latest dinner party reported that the “VitaGel Vinaigrette” caused them to experience an overwhelming urge to repair complex machinery.

Aaron987, a regular at these events, is reportedly planning to establish a bulk-buy arrangement at the Hortus Exchange for luxury drink Kombucha (KoM), which attendees claim “pairs beautifully with the metallic aftertaste of surgical tubing.”