MORIA SYSTEM - In an unexpected development following the recent creation of a black hole in the QQ-264 system, a self-proclaimed “amateur astrophysicist” from the Antares Initiative claims to have made breakthrough observations about the celestial anomaly’s “dietary preferences.”

Happy black hole colors.¹

Dr. Helena Fischer, whose credentials notably include a doctoral thesis on “The Culinary Applications of Quantum Mechanics,” has been conducting what she calls “groundbreaking research” by systematically dumping different elements into the newly formed black hole and observing the results.

“It’s fascinating,” explained Dr. Fischer from her makeshift observatory stationed at what she insists is a “totally safe distance” from the event horizon. “When we dump sodium into it, the accretion disk glows yellow. Copper makes it green. It’s like a cosmic mood ring! This clearly proves the black hole is expressing its elemental preferences through visible light.”

When several actual astrophysicists attempted to explain that accretion disk emissions don’t work that way, Dr. Fischer remained undeterred. “Look, I’ve fed this black hole everything from expired medical supplies to an entire shipment of RAT [Basic Rations], and I’m telling you, it definitely has favorite flavors. Last week we threw in some ALG [Protein-Rich Algae], and I swear it burped.”

The Antares Initiative has officially distanced itself from Dr. Fischer’s research, particularly after she submitted a proposal to “season the black hole” with various mineral compounds to “improve its appetite.” Her recent request for funding to launch a restaurant chain called “Event Horizon: Where Every Meal is Unforgettable” was similarly rejected.

Despite widespread criticism from the scientific community, Dr. Fischer has found an unlikely ally in RadiChem Industries, a newly-formed subsidiary of Castillo-Ito Mercantile. The company believes the black hole’s intense radiation field could revolutionize their chemical manufacturing processes.

“The gravitational effects create unique spectral signatures that could fundamentally alter molecular bonds,” explained RadiChem’s head of R&D, Dr. Wei Zhang. “Just imagine - we could manufacture TCL [TCL Acid] at half the current cost by just letting the black hole’s radiation do all the work. Sure, we might lose a few delivery ships in the process, but think of the profit margins!”

At press time, Dr. Fischer was reportedly attempting to calculate the black hole’s Body Mass Index, though she admits having some difficulty with the “mass” part of the equation since it keeps increasing exponentially.

The Prosperous Universe Turnip’s previous requests for comment from the black hole itself remain unanswered, as our messages are still slowly approaching the event horizon.

Editor’s Note: The Prosperous Universe Turnip does not endorse Dr. Fischer’s claim that black holes can be “house trained” through positive reinforcement and regular feeding schedules.