MONTEM, Moria System - Local industrialist and self-proclaimed “crypto trading virtuoso” lowstrife found himself in an awkward position this week when he was unable to pay basic production fees at his NEO Charter manufacturing facilities, having invested his company’s entire reserve of NCCs in what he called “an unprecedented opportunity in digital starship ownership.”

That’s not how NFTs are supposed to work!.¹

The CEO of Lumber Liquidators reportedly spent millions on “unique digital certificates” for conceptual spacecraft designs, believing he had secured exclusive rights to revolutionary vessels that would “transform the future of space travel.” However, workers at his Montem facilities were less than impressed when he attempted to pay their wages with “fractional ownership” of a theoretical hyperdrive blueprint.

“He kept telling us about how these designs were ‘rare’ and ‘authenticated on the blockchain,’ which is weird because we thought he was better at this stuff,” said Maria Chen, lead engineer at Lumber Liquidators’ primary production facility. “But you can’t exactly fuel a reactor with a jpeg of a supposed quantum engine, can you?”

The situation came to a head when lowstrife attempted to pay his monthly production fees to the planetary government with what he described as “high-value digital assets.” Local authorities were quick to point out that production fees must be paid in actual NCCs, not speculative digital tokens representing theoretical spacecraft.

“The CEO insisted that his ‘Ultra-Rare Shiny Mark IV Prototype’ certificate would be worth millions once people ‘understood the technology,’” commented Governor Sarah Vale. “I tried explaining that we need real currency to maintain the station’s life support systems, not pictures of imaginary spaceships.”

Adding to the embarrassment, investigation revealed that many of the “unique” starship designs were simply recycled sketches of standard NEO Charter vessel blueprints with different color schemes, some featuring what experts describe as “physically impossible” engine configurations and “decorative but utterly nonfunctional” elements like “crystal-powered hyperwarp manifolds.”

When reached for comment, lowstrife remained optimistic: “Look, I know what I’m doing. I’ve traded plenty of volatile assets before, but these spacecraft NFTs are different. Sure, none of these designs can actually fly, but they’re provably unique! And did I mention they’re on the blockchain?”

At press time, the Lumber Liquidators CEO was reportedly attempting to secure emergency funding by selling “exclusive digital naming rights” to stars that he admits he “doesn’t technically own.”¹: Image by Microsoft Designer Image Creator.