MORIA SYSTEM - Markets across the known universe were thrown into chaos today as news spread that molp, the divine maintainer of reality itself, had fallen ill. Commodity exchanges reported unprecedented volatility, with TEA futures leading the surge as traders rushed to secure supplies of the coveted Technical Equipment Analysis modules.

The deity in recouperation.¹

“It’s basic economics,” explained Wei Chang, a commodities analyst at Castillo-Ito Mercantile. “When the being responsible for maintaining the fabric of spacetime catches a fever, you stock up on technical analysis equipment. How else will we know if the universe is still functioning properly?”

The panic began Wednesday when molp’s divine presence was notably absent from the usual maintenance of reality. By Thursday, TEA futures had risen 11,000%, with some contracts trading at over 750,000 CIS per unit. Several Antares Initiative traders reported seeing their APEX terminals display “undefined” where universal constants should be.

“Look, I’m not saying the universe is ending,” said Sarah Martinez, a NEO Charter station manager, while frantically ordering another shipment of TEA modules. “But when your god gets sick, you don’t want to be the only one without proper diagnostic equipment when reality starts glitching.”

The Insitor Cooperative has attempted to calm markets by pointing out that the universe continued functioning normally during molp’s previous vacation. However, their statement was undermined when three of their cargo ships reportedly quantum tunneled through solid matter during a routine docking procedure.

A spokesperson for the developer deity released a statement ensuring followers that molp was “just feeling under the weather” and that “existence would resume normal operations next week.” The spokesperson declined to comment on whether chicken soup would help restore universal constants to their proper values.

At press time, several cult groups had formed around the Moria system, claiming that the recent release of multi-commodity contracts was clearly a sign of impending doom. Meanwhile, shrewd traders were already setting up TEA arbitrage routes between systems where the laws of physics appeared to still be functioning normally.