PROMITOR - Scientists at the Promitorian Institute of Biological Studies have identified a peculiar strain of fungus believed to be responsible for the increasingly bizarre behavior of local corporation executives, manifesting primarily in compulsive outbursts of “Praise Beanz!” throughout their workday.

PRAISE BEANZ! ¹

The fungus, dubbed Cerebralis beanzorious, appears to have evolved in proximity to BEA FRMs, where researchers speculate it developed an unusual affinity for protein-rich bean derivatives. Dr. Lenna Voss, lead mycologist at the institute, explains that the fungus releases spores that specifically target the language centers of CEO brains.

“We’ve observed affected executives interrupting shareholder meetings, quarterly earnings calls, and even their own wedding ceremonies to suddenly exclaim ‘Praise Beanz!’ approximately twenty times per day,” says Dr. Voss. “One CEO was filmed genuflecting before a shipping container of BEA during a routine warehouse inspection.”

The phenomenon has led to the formation of an unofficial cult among infected business leaders, who have begun holding regular “Bean Summitz” where they collectively chant their devotion to the protein-rich commodity. Several companies have already modified their corporate logos to include beans, while others have mandated bean-shaped office furniture.

Local commodity trader Marcus Chen reports that BEA futures have skyrocketed as infected CEOs compulsively order shipping containers of the product, often converting entire cargo bays into what they call “Bean Shrinez.”

“I watched my boss transform our quarterly strategy meeting into a three-hour interpretive dance about the spiritual significance of beanz,” says Wei Zhang, a middle manager at PromiCorp Logistics. “The worst part is, our productivity is actually up 40% since the infection spread.”

The Promitorian Commerce Bureau has launched an investigation into whether the fungal infection constitutes a market manipulation scheme, though officials admit they’re having difficulty maintaining objectivity as several investigators have begun showing symptoms themselves.

At press time, a coalition of infected CEOs had submitted a petition to rename the planet to “Great Bean” and were last seen attempting to reorganize the local planetary government into what they called a “Beantocracy.”

Following this report, this journalist would like to clarify that any sudden urges to praise beanz experienced while writing this article were purely coincidental. Praise Beanz!