MONTEM, MORIA SYSTEM - After what historians describe as “that whole period between when people still used paper spreadsheets and now,” the Montem Planetary Administration has finally completed construction of its long-awaited shipyard by employing what they’re calling a “synchronized logistics solution” – namely, timing the delivery of the final components to coincide perfectly with the eviction of a local prefab manufacturing facility.

CEO yells at new consturction of the spaceport starts before demolition of his factory finishes. ¹

“The construction plans have been available for viewing in the local planning office for several quarters,” insisted Chief Infrastructure Officer Dalia Vermeer, while carefully shredding what appeared to be a detailed timeline labeled “Operation Bootstrap.” When pressed about the location of said office, Vermeer clarified it was “in the unlit lower levels of the old Commonwealth Bank building on Moria Station², in a locked filing cabinet, stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying ‘Beware of the Leopard.’”

The shipyard project, which has been under construction since before several competing star systems were even properly charted, has faced numerous delays, primarily due to the planet’s perpetually occupied status as the galaxy’s premier prefab manufacturing hub. Previous attempts to complete the construction had failed when delivery ships arrived to find no available construction plots, leading to what one frustrated contractor called “the galaxy’s most expensive game of musical chairs.”

NeoStruct Solutions’ CEO was found Thursday morning lying in front of the company’s main fabrication facility, attempting to prevent the final shipyard components from being delivered. “You can’t lie in front of the cargo hauler forever,” Vermeer was heard explaining. “The paperwork has all been properly filed. Think of the jobs this shipyard will create! Besides, I’d much rather you didn’t lay there - it’s going to be quite uncomfortable when we start the anti-grav lifts.”

The unfortunately timed casualty of this infrastructural breakthrough and supplier of roughly 0.002% of the galaxy’s building materials was given a generous 12-hour notice to vacate their premises. “We tried to be as accommodating as possible,” insisted Vermeer. “We even offered them a complimentary consultation on alternative locations, such as the scenic vacuum of space, or perhaps Promitor, where they can try their hand at growing carrots instead. There’s no point in acting surprised about it - the demolition orders have been on display at your local planning department on Moria Station for fifty Old Earth months.”

The Montem Business Association has praised the administration’s efficiency, noting that combining an eviction notice with a major infrastructure project represents “a new pinnacle in governmental multitasking.” They have suggested applying this same strategy to future projects, proposing a new orbital defense system that could be perfectly timed with the expiration of several manufacturing permits.

When asked about compensation for the displaced business, Vermeer brightened considerably. “Actually, we’re offering them a fantastic deal on shipyard services… just as soon as we finish construction. Which, coincidentally, requires their plot. Besides, it’s not like we’re short on prefab manufacturers here. Would anyone care for a nice cup of tea?”

At press time, NeoStruct Solutions was reportedly investigating real estate opportunities literally anywhere else, while the Montem administration was busy drafting a new “Strategic Coordinated Relocation Enhancement With Existing Development”³ schedule for the next fiscal year.

The Prosperous Turnip is a satirical news organization. Any resemblance to actual prefab manufacturers being ejected from their plots is purely coincidental and definitely not part of a master plan to finally finish that damned shipyard. No leopards were harmed in the making of this article.