Many CEOs Younger Than Expected

A recent survey by the Interplanetary Business Bureau found that the average age of CEO’s at many of the galaxy’s top companies was surprisingly wide ranging, as one researcher explained:

Before I did this survey I had an image of your typical CEO as being some grizzled white-haired old fogey, running things with a combination of grit and charisma. But it turns out that many of them are just kids.

Pictured: CEO with 8 bases [^1]

The average age was found to be 32, with only a few over 50, and many much younger. The researcher elaborated:

No, I mean they’re literally kids. One said his parents made him finish his homework before letting him log onto APEX to adjust his production orders. Another abandoned the interview half way through because My Little Pony was on. Admittedly, that one did turn out to be some guy in his 40s. But still.

In perhaps the most surprising finding, the majority of these young CEO’s expressed a willingness to use aggressive tactics to defend their market position, with one saying:

If you undercut me on the CX, I will get my brother to beat you up. He is a trained sniper and has a black belt in ninjitsu.

Another anonymous CEO that goes by “Slomes” declared:

My neighbor’s dog is called Kilo and he is this big and he barks at everyone and he has big teeth and he jumped over the fence and ate one of my sister’s shoes and he chased me and I ran indoors but I wasn’t scared.

The survey also gathered opinions on future market developments, such as whether Fuyutsuki Functional Conglomerate’s recently announced plans to supply Beryllium at a fair market price was a good strategy to stimulate advanced production and trading galaxy-wide. The younger CEO opinions on this matter varied from “idk mabbe” to “he a noob lol”.

When not running their space trading empire, a lot of these younger CEO’s revealed that they had normal hobbies for adolescent boys, such as playing video games, listening to popular music, and having sexual intercourse with your mom.

[^1] Image courtesy