CEO Forced To Deny Misconduct

This week, embattled CEO Derelict was forced to deny misconduct at his π—±π—²π—―π—Ώπ—Άπ˜€β„’οΈ brand Katoa research facility, as fresh allegations emerged that Antarean citizens had been used as test subjects in safety trials of a new thermal shielding product:

I would like to make it clear that we are NOT developing π—±π—²π—―π—Ώπ—Άπ˜€β„’οΈ brand Thermal Shielding. And if we were, we would take all sensible precautions during the testing phase. Furthermore, they volunteered for the job, and I’d like to remind everyone that the link between galerite dust exposure and swollen head syndrome has not been proven.

Derelict [^1]

The main political party of Antares was quick to point out that this statement avoided the question of whether Antareans specifically had been exploited by the π—±π—²π—―π—Ώπ—Άπ˜€β„’οΈ brand, with governor ManoftheSea declaring:

I’ve just about had it with the universe’s dismissive attitude towards the good people of Antares. Your buildings all depend on trusses wrought from the finest Antarean aluminium, and yet this latest outrage is emblematic of how you treat us as second class citizens. This has got to stop! I am already in talks with APEX to add import tariffs to all goods sold on the Antares exchange by foreign companies. When we’re constructing a 4D Arcade with your tax money, then we’ll see who’s laughing!

Upon hearing the word “tariffs”, Fuyutsuki, a certifiable theorist, immediately issued a 113 page treatise on why this would be counterproductive to the Antarean economy, which nobody read. Meanwhile Zizzleswomp, a hypernet personality known for his outbursts on public vidnews segments, was quick to take sides:

The π—±π—²π—―π—Ώπ—Άπ˜€β„’οΈ brand is starting to get on my Zizzle! One minute Derelict is denying making thermal shielding, and the next he’s giving out details of the testing plan. When will we ever get a straight answer out of this guy, for molp’s sake?

Zizzleswomp’s tirade was briefly derailed by a call-in question regarding the efficacy of Insitor Co-operative market maker pricing of rations, before he resumed his attacks on the π—±π—²π—―π—Ώπ—Άπ˜€β„’οΈ brand:

Those brave Antarean pioneers deserve more than this, after all those years in hypersleep. It’s bad enough that they have to live on Phobos in the first place, without the added indignity of being carted off to Katoa and used as guinea pigs by Derelict. I for one fully support the imposition of tariffs, to try to redress the balance.

A spokesperson for APEX, the universe’s main trading infrastructure, had this to say:

Of course we won’t introduce tariffs. A system whereby groups of people can arbitrarily penalise other groups of people with economic sanctions is reminiscent of old Earth government behavior, and it will only lead to conflict between the factions, which is not in our roadmap.

When it was pointed out that “Conflict” was in fact a prominent item in a widely publicised “Roadmap” document previously issued by APEX, the spokesperson merely said “Huh”, and then walked away, refusing to comment further.

Will the π—±π—²π—―π—Ώπ—Άπ˜€β„’οΈ brand’s alleged activities result in the introduction of an import tariff feature in the APEX trading system? Your correspondent thinks no, probably not.

Stay tuned!

[^1] Image courtesy