Local Tycoon With Planet Fetish Begins Poetry Tour

Therapy clinics ecstatic about potential new patients


Prosperous Turnip - Deimos. A transplanted CEO released a sample of what he hopes will help launch his side career as a travelling poet. Slomes, of Loan Manta Enterprises, announced his tour schedule and promotion for his book with the following sample.

Yep, it’s coming in book form!1

Oh Deimos
how you strike fear into me
and yet, still
I am drawn to thee

Such girth, yet gracefully you spin
your aluminium dress
glittering in the Antarii sunlight
beckoning me, to join and dance
asking to impress

daring me to strip thee dress, make you mine
atmosphere heating up
a carbondioxide blanket to hide us from Ares wrath

The way you move your tectonics, as darkness falls
spreading your seafloor, as if inviting me
to errupt like a volcano onto your fertile fields

Oh Deimos
how you strike fear into me
and yet, still
I am drawn to thee.

- Slomes

The printed book,2 titled “Planetary Romance,” goes on sale next week. Tour dates can be found on Deimos' bulliten board3. Berthier residents will need to travel in order to enjoy the live performance, as Slomes has been banned after releasing the poem “Sterile & Cold”, a spiteful reminder of Slomes' experience in the fields of Berthier.

Prosperous Turnip is thrilled that we were not invited to the private performance. Reviews are a bit mixed:

“The powerful emotions during the reading really show how much he loves his planet.”
“I need my therapist!”
“Thank god I’m blind already.”
“I never knew you could love a planet like that. I’m going to go f@#$ the planet too!”


  1. Image from https://pixnio.com/free-images/2017/09/30/2017-09-30-05-30-44.jpg ↩︎

  2. Digital copies will not be available. We’re not sure who bothers with print anymore, but this was the choice of the author. It’s probably for the best. ↩︎

  3. Literally. It’s a bulliten board, complete with thumbtacks and staples. There are plenty of “Lost Dog” & “Lost God” notices. If you find someone’s dog (or god), please call the number. I’m sure it’s important to them. ↩︎