Expedition Determines Berthier Actually a Pile of Trash Floating in Space

Astrophysicists investigating the planet Berthier have determined that, surprisingly, it is not a rocky planet, as previously thought.

Newscast of the discovery1

The 13,726km (8529 freedom units) celestial body was found by the investigation team to be an actual pile of trash. Tipped off by nefarious space captain Rubicate, the local M.O.L.E (Mining Oersted for Loot and Experience) organization mined through the body’s crust and found neither the partly-molten metal core nor the chewy caramel center that they were expecting.

I don’t have a base on Berthier since it’s an actual pile of trash floating in space.

Instead, core samples found sodium, compost, and a few molp figurines. Sadly, M.O.L.E. reports that, since they didn’t find the loot that they were expecting, they have run out of funds to continue investigating other planets. “Unfortunately, molp figurines just doesn’t have the market value it had a millennia ago,” said the organization’s president.

  1. Image shamelessly “borrowed” from Futurama. https://www.syfy.com/sites/syfy/files/styles/syfy_episode_recap_full_breakpoints_theme_syfy_normal_1x/public/futurama_s1_e8.jpg ↩︎