APEX Downtime Exposes Addiction Shared by Many CEOs

As APEX developers worked countless hours to address a myriad of networking issues causing production lines to be held up across the universe, a ProsperousTurnip investigation has turned up the addictions of many CEOs.

Image of the drug being prepared 1

In one very prominent instance, Rain Industries Executive Assisant, George Hammond, explains

Mr. Rain is a regular user, oftentimes spending countless hours through the night under the drug’s influence.

The drug, known by its street names “Sheets” and “Excel”, is an unusual mixture of ground up data analyzers, aluminum ore, coffee, and bullshit nutrient solution. Leading scientists are baffled by the drug, claiming that, chemically, the drug shouldn’t have any significant effect on the human brain. Nonetheless, it is extremely popular among elites.

In one study, substance abuse sociologists claim that

… [study] results show findings of a very strong correlation between boredom, mainly due to APEX downtime, and the drug’s use (r²: 0.9982; CI: 3σ 99.7%).

The authors strongly recommend replication studies to verify their conclusions.


  1. Image taken from https://www.verywellmind.com/thmb/zjy7nq017UPCHkH91gC1DZ9o-lU=/4300x2867/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/addict-preparing-drugs-185245989-5b34002346e0fb003790279e.jpg, but has been modified ↩︎